Friendship Woes/Foes..Whatever!!!!

This is a terrible day… just so terribleeeeee!!! I feel so depressed I’m on the verge of tears. I just need some comfort, some warmth and some TRUE friends around.( Yeah I sound pathetically clichéd) Not peripheral ones who are more of a bane to your existence than any solace. Those who actually sincerely care, rather than being such self-centered, self-righteous, “ I never ever do anything wrong” kinda self-absorbed cockroaches.

I regret so many decisions, (talking of which I’m sure we all have a thousand regrets in our life right) but mostly I regret beleiveing that ‘friendship’ ( for the lack of a better word) could make everything else less tedious or cumbersome. BIG MISTAKE!!!!! Friendship is not = similar thinking/working styles. Some people can think so highly of themselves it sucks, they have such crappy excuses for just about anything in the world. “I cant do this … cos my freaking dog ate my ability to reason.” , “ I cant say that to him…cos I left my brain in the toilet” Gees whatever.

Alright I know I am not exactly the most sensible person on the planet right now.. I’m freezing in this goddamn air-con lab and my mood’s just taken a 180 degree swerve for the worst. Arghhh ..Such A Piece of shit! So what if they are the brainiest organisms on the planet. Be a nuclear waste scientist or a psycho doctor or a whatever, who cares? When all you essentially are, is a goddamn opportunist out on a free ride and chances for shopping sprees, F*uck you and the stupid attitude of yours.

I’ve tolerated enough of this ego-centric shit and this acting like you are in control, its high time I stopped putting up with all this shit and just put you in your rightful place.

Ok enough! Damn I sound like one angsty bitch, which I probably am at this moment, given that some twit has the God-given talent to turn my otherwise pleasant day into a real emotional mess.

Oh btw I do realize Karen is about the only person that reads my blog….so my dear karennnnnnnnn dun mind my crappiness, cos I’m just terribly disappointed with an idiot and pls do not in the least even speculate that it could be you, cos given your goondu tendencies I know you might conjure up something as bizarrely nincompoopy as that in your lala brain.

Oh well I’m going to leave now, cos my stupid brain just realized it is not even worth wasting time and effort clicking away about such Idiotic specimens of nature. ! Sigh off to my freaking 5.30 pm class…

Alcoholic Deliverance

9th October 2004
2.59 am

Sweet German Snifter @ OKTOBERFEST

Woozy woozy woozy……..my eyes are fuzzy and I’m ever so sleepyyy, freaking 700 ml has this effect on me…hoo hee hoo…woo hoo…no grammatical coherence and general development of content, lack of conciseness and prevalent grammatical errors might prevail, but pay no attention to these abovementioned characteristics as I believe I’m in a state to be excused from any form of intelligible writing..

Oktoberfest was cool, German beer is sweettttttt. Nice, I’m not a beer girl, but it was palatable enough for even fussy me (oh btw my wasted brain wonders if palatable can be used for liquids? Oh well screw accuracy. Who cares???).doo dee doo…was cool hanging out with my Lit tutor (man we wish all teachers were this coollllll isn’t it. I know!) and the rest of my zany bunch of classmates, Caroline, Kevin (so cuteeeee..haha…”need da feeling” to pee), Sharm and Adrian, Audrey and gang…stayed not for long but I enjoyed hanging out with a new bunch…walking here and there in city link and Kevin and Sheels constantly changing their minds about taxi, bus or train…and they settled for the nation’s favorite form of sardine packing device…drumrolllllllll ..MRT Ofcos..

Aiyah I’m talking cock la…better just shut up and go to sleep, I wish I got drunk..miss the feeling of feeling tipsy…its funny la…hoo hoo. Ok ok enough crapping.tata.Good afternoon ppl..Have a nice day...Sweet dreams…Bye

Ohhhh I forgot to say something. It was Oktoberfest. Apparently a German thingy (If I’m not wrong) and saw like 3.5 Germans or whatever they are, in the club. Weird ah. Anyways just thot I’d mention it. Ok. Bye again.

Shaleni

Elegy to a Reverie

7th October 2004
12.22 a.m.

Its one of those nights when I’m feeling unexplainably exhausted and immeasurably troubled. The incomparable urge to crawl into bed tugs at me to go get lost in the sheets and be transported to a distant land of dreams and never- ending siesta…yet there’s this impalpable magic floating in the air, as I watch the moonlight dance across a seamless black vastness, feeling your breath on my face. It’s sweet misery and dream-making all over again. Like every other day. Why do I do this? Scribble, scrabble, ramble and rant, fumble and spew rubbish to no end.Building ice-cream castles in the air, idling my consciousness away to my wit’s end. Music for company and misery’s my shadow.

“Will I ever spread my wings and learn how to fly”,

or just stumble and crumble upon this till I die?

Teach me how to breakaway, to take a risk, take a chance, to lose myself to uncertainty! and in the vain hope that I’ll make a change and live my life. “Dreaming of what could be and if I’ll end up happy, out of the darkness and into the sun.” Live my life or lose myself in this battle of choice. Built my life around you, how do I fly away? I forget my wings are clipped and broken, bent and bruised, so I wobble away slowly, but surely!

“I had to find you, tell you I need you, and tell you I set you APART. Tell me your secrets, nurse me your questions. COME LET’S GO BACK to START!!!”

Shaleni

The Temporal Shell

October 2, 2004
11. 07 pm


This momentary existence, the being and the leaving of it. The unpredictability, the smiles, the tears, the friends, and the foes we leave behind one day when immortality and a bigger permanence consumes us. We came, we saw and we leave behind our cherished ones, and some aching hearts maybe, if we’re lucky enough. As fragments etched in some sorry heart’s memories.

“ Nothing in life is as permanent as the leaving of it.”
Ode to Uncle Samuel

I never got the chance to know you all so intimately, and yet I feel the pain of your passing. My sorry mind remembers all the times you constantly had such a gracious smile and hearty laugh to share with all. The kindness in your eyes and the warmth of your heart, it still lingers strongly in my memory. All the Christmases in your home, all the gifts and presents, the fun and laughter we all shared. Most importantly your gentle words of wisdom, your encouraging gestures, my heart weeps for your loved ones, where tears fail.

The pain of loss, the permanence of it, the point of no return. To grow to love someone, and they become a part of you, and one day get ripped away from your life without warning, you stand there stranded, lost, sucked into a vortex of darkness and pain. I can sense the shock in aunt and her crippling suffering. I felt stunned, lost for words, what could I possibly say to ease her pain? What could anyone say?

Demise is immobilizing, let alone when it’s sudden and unprecedented. As I write this, your smile, my mental picture of it, keeps flashing in my mind. I can’t swallow this truth still. How can someone walk out of life this swiftly, it baffles me beyond reason. What urgency could the ones above have to call you to their side in such an intense hurry?

I can’t help but feel for you wife and sons. Their agony, and their hurt, the internal hell that they must be going through. Why are we bestowed with such a curse? The blight of FEELING. Regardless of whether its happiness or sadness, joy or pain! Is emotion a human infliction?

“Why give us a heart and the power to sense emotion? Why?
If in the end you only fill us with distraught and inflictions.
I wander as I wonder, about the value of this mortal life?
Are we but mere puppets in the creator’s eye?
Pulling each string as he deems right.
You were a candle that was snubbed too early,

and robbed of its light!”

I pray for your soul tonight, on this night that I bring a heavy heart to bed, one heaving with much dismay and anguish. God knows, my prayers aren’t frequent, but today I do that for you, for your blessed heart and the sweet memories of your brief yet memorable presence in my life.I thank God for gracing me with your being, in the days that you walked this smaller world of mortals and lesser glories. And I pray that your sweet soul shall be in peace and “Dwell in the house of the LORD forever” and ever!

And hold faith that you will be shining your blessings down upon us from a painless paradise

Truly Disheartened