Sitting here broken and devastated by a catastrophe I don’t even know if I really am going to be the victim of. Torn, used and totally recyclable…suppressed feelings, the lost sense- of –being, all show themselves in long-overdue trickles…a mocking voice,” its these times you remember me.” Guilt does prick but solace is what my heart needs!
If only disregarding it was as easy as I suddenly try to convert my principles, inside cheapness and worthlessness engulf. Why??? So long, so strong. One moment and its all gone. All in a moment none too significant even…Trust and Assurance, mythical qualities of the ancient times???..
3 weeks of the last glimmers of hope flicker torturously in the very last bouts of breath that my imagination provides. Pain and despair take over, pricking a dying part of me…gone forever into the abyss of uncertainty..
Starting to wonder if music aggravates the memory of the very things I struggle to forget, or it jus helps in the transition. For this scenario of sitting in front typing my pain and tears away , with the music player working in the background , sombre music wallowing away jus a feeling of dejavu , one too familiar.
Issues I’d never thought I’d have to grapple with start choking me up….xxxxxx, me? How and why? More importantly, What’s gona happen? Such a heavy punishment for an untimed sin?
One question stands still in my mind despite the great myriad of disparate thought that rush to be put forth, if onlyyyyy one question was all I could ask. WHY ME ? WHAT FOR?....
Being one to pour buckets out every time something similar occurs, the stance this time shocks me. Self-consoling or lingering hope, the latter too which is decaying faster than any radioactive substance known to men..but all resistance ends in good time and the truth manifests itself in the weakest most vulnerable moments.
“If it doesn’t break you, it makes you stronger,” very often we hear, but what happens if the painful memory has more than just an emotional manifestation, physical traces are less easily erased or forgotten. Time too has a way of leaving permanent traces… which some don’t survive !!!
If only disregarding it was as easy as I suddenly try to convert my principles, inside cheapness and worthlessness engulf. Why??? So long, so strong. One moment and its all gone. All in a moment none too significant even…Trust and Assurance, mythical qualities of the ancient times???..
3 weeks of the last glimmers of hope flicker torturously in the very last bouts of breath that my imagination provides. Pain and despair take over, pricking a dying part of me…gone forever into the abyss of uncertainty..
Starting to wonder if music aggravates the memory of the very things I struggle to forget, or it jus helps in the transition. For this scenario of sitting in front typing my pain and tears away , with the music player working in the background , sombre music wallowing away jus a feeling of dejavu , one too familiar.
Issues I’d never thought I’d have to grapple with start choking me up….xxxxxx, me? How and why? More importantly, What’s gona happen? Such a heavy punishment for an untimed sin?
One question stands still in my mind despite the great myriad of disparate thought that rush to be put forth, if onlyyyyy one question was all I could ask. WHY ME ? WHAT FOR?....
Being one to pour buckets out every time something similar occurs, the stance this time shocks me. Self-consoling or lingering hope, the latter too which is decaying faster than any radioactive substance known to men..but all resistance ends in good time and the truth manifests itself in the weakest most vulnerable moments.
“If it doesn’t break you, it makes you stronger,” very often we hear, but what happens if the painful memory has more than just an emotional manifestation, physical traces are less easily erased or forgotten. Time too has a way of leaving permanent traces… which some don’t survive !!!
One part of me wonders about the evil that surrounds humanity and another part contemplates on the possibility of harm and helplessness …where do I go what do I do ????? Where’s salvation and saving grace for my soul…one that’s dead and numb????? I live in bubbles and swim in fear, breathe with hope and sleep with tears…one word is all I plead for, very careful about my selection of words and regretting none that I have chosen.
One word is all I plead to hear….too much to ask???
One word is all I plead to hear….too much to ask???
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